Wednesday, September 3, 2008

God, Family, Friends....What else do you need?

So, I'm not going to downsize and say the past few days have been more than a little trying physically....but I will say that I've never given up on God and never forgot his PROMISE that he was going to protect me!

I did wonder how those who go through chemo for years and years do it and why? A young 32 yr. old girl at Emory has been going through chemo for 10 yrs....I can't even imagine and believe me, if you've never been through chemo, you can't imagine it either. Even different types of chemo are different and everyone responds differently. Since I've never smoked or drank in my life, I'm much more sensitive to anything so my first infusion of 50+ hrs. of chemo is going to be difficult. I tried to downplay the effects of chemo with another medicine and had an unbelievable response for hours on set my mind to a whirring confusion.......

However through my journey....there will be days like is in NO way my loss of will to fight...maybe for that moment or day but not overall. I know that in the end, Victory will be mine!! Do not be dismayed for I AM LORD THY GOD.....In HIM do I TRUST!

Mom came over yesterday and helped me get my meds under control. I used to take maybe 1 pill a day and now I'm a medicine cabinet. I'd been having this excruciating back pain that they said was nerve damage from the surgery but now they want to do an MRI because they say I shouldn't be having that much pain. So far narcotics haven't helped the pain and I'm not one to keep taking medicine so something has to give. So, when I go back they will be doing an MRI and and an ultrasound (vs. a mammogram because of the port) to rule anything out from my most recent pathology report. I think this will help me get a grasp on the results.

I put in DVDs from the church to listen to some of the services I have been missing. Just seeing and hearing the singing and preaching encourages my spirit.

Friends and family bestow way more gifts and food than we ever could have imagined or deserve and I'm yet again....feeling helpless. It is not a feeling you can explain to others. My grandma who is going through the same thing is feeling the same. You have these very weird feelings about what you can/can't do and it makes you feel terrible. It may just be chemo.

We determine that the reason my dog was so sick is from the chemo. The doctor had told my grandma to watch out with her dogs because the chemo is so strong that it would make the dog sick. They didn't mention it to me and I was home with 50 hrs. of it with the dog laying right beside me. We have a call into the vet to see what we can do going forward. My chemo is for 6 months but it is equivalent to a year's worth so I would say that it pretty strong!

I have had so many of you still sending cards, e-mails, putting me on prayer list/chains of churches I do not even know....I can't begin to tell you how much this means....every single day!


Anonymous said...

I am still praying for you along with many of my friends who are also praying for you and are always concerned about you. I love you very much. Vickie

Kimi McElroy said...

I am still praying for you several times a day. I miss seeing you at church and look forward to seeing you again.
Love you!

@1Fan said...

Leah, your name was lifted up for prayers at 8:00am today. You are so loved!