Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Mother's thoughts.
Leah had a doctor’s appointment today with the Spine doctor.
She is not feeling well …. In fact, this chemo treatment has been much worse than the last. She can be feeling well one minute and the next minute be in tears with the break -out pain that she experiences. The week of chemo is a down week for Leah. She says it is unexplainable on how she feels. She compares it to an out of the body experience….. Many weird side effects keep her down. But she is like a jack in the box—you can only hold the lid down for so long and up she pops!!~~ And then from Sat on she starts mentally gearing herself up for her next treatment on Wednesday.

The last 4 months has been a nightmare to say the least. One of the hardest things is dealing with “THE INDIGNITIES" of this type of cancer. Starting with the colonoscopy, and then major surgery, right into chemo even before her body had time to recover, and then test after test of MRI’s, CAT scans, ultrasounds, four mammograms, biopsies makes her feel like she is the meat and the health care providers are the grinder.
But not one time have I heard her say the words, “why me?” Her statement to me is,” why would I ever say such a thing?”

Friday was not a good day. They had to give her IV fluids and meds just so we could make it back home. I try to be as careful as possible driving, but every turn, stop or bump affects the nausea. You talk about stressful driving!! Such relief I feel when I see that she has drifted off to sleep. I shout hallelujah… thank you Jesus… now just keep her asleep until I can get home. It makes me feel so guilty to know that my driving is contributing to my child’s nausea. No, I am not a horrible driver ..... any way I don’t think that I am.. ha! But have you ever driven on Moreland Drive with a sick person? That is when you start singing to your self,
“ Jesus take the wheel, take it from my hands because I can’t do it on my own.!"

Even through her pain and sickness I hear her on the phone many days encouraging other people with their problems. Even at the chemo clinic she stops to check on other patients and give them a word of encouragement.
Even through her sickness Friday she was on the phone checking on her niece who was in the hospital. She worries about her grandma who is going through chemo for breast cancer, and her 90 year old grandfather and her father who isn't well.
Of course, as a mother I want to protect her and keep all of the problems and issues away from her. Are you kidding!!! That doesn’t happen….. you can’t keep anything from Leah. She always has a way of getting it out of you by looking you in the face and asking, “What’s going on?” You can’t lie--- so you have to give in and tell her. She says that dealing with the every day life issues helps her to take the focus off of her pain and sickness.
She let us know early on in her illness that she didn’t want her sickness to be the focus of every day. As much as possible, she wants normalcy to continue in their lives so Angela can enjoy her last year in high school, and for Kimberly to do well in college.

I want to use this forum to say "thank you” to Steve , my wonderful son in law. He has lovingly taken care of Leah since day one. He knows how to make her laugh when she needs her spirits lifted and to comfort and hold her when she cries. He is forever by her side taking care of all her needs and making sure that she recieves proper medical care.….even when he is up all night helping Leah he still goes into work with no sleep and never complains. Leah tells me about the difficult nights and how comforting it is when Steve prays with her.
Leah's sister Lisa ( our oldest daughter) has been an awesome help with all of the medicines, doctors and test appointments that need to be made. Plus, she sits with her on the days that Leah is feeling so bad.
I would also like to thank "YOU"….. Leah's AWESOME SUPPORT GROUP!! YOU ARE THE GREATEST!! So many people have helped in so many ways that I am afraid to start naming names for fear that I would leave someone out. You know who you are ………………….. and I THANK YOU!!
Through your acts of kindness and touches of love you make each day a little brighter!
Your prayers, cards, emails, blog comments, gifts, books, flowers, meals, are the things that help Leah and the family to face another day. I will admit, it is not easy as a mother to see your child sick, and to know that you can't do anything about it, but pray and keep a stiff upper lip.

Leah's attitude and strength through it all are quite amazing. She has such courage and determination to beat the odds! Leah may be down, and hanging on the ropes ….but she is not out for the count… She will get up and continue to fight!!
She has already told her minister , Bro. Johns that she will be the “ come back kid”

We all gain strength from your love and prayers.
Keep the prayers going up, so the blessings will come down!!
We love you all!

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