Monday, October 20, 2008

Let me catch you up...since I've last blogged...

First of all, I'm amazed at the e-mails, cards or comments from those of you who say you love my blogs and you find them encouraging. I appreciate the comments but wonder how in the world you can feel encouraged when I feel like there is always something going on with this journey?......nonetheless, it is the journey that was chosen for me and somehow you have chosen to be part of this so it is you who keep me going....therefore, I will continue to keep blogging. =-)

Secondly, my biopsy Friday went okay. We get to the appt. on time and it is the normal, hurry and wait an hour or more to even get into your appt. I was the first appt. to have a biopsy that day so I wonder how long everyone else waited. When I was finally called, they said I would be about an hour. It actually turned out to be 2 hrs. Doctors are wonderful but wait times are unbelievable.....I thought actually going to a Cancer Center would be more timely knowing what the patients are going through.....but honestly there is less compassion at the Center than at the hospital.

Steve went with me. I remark to him that if mom had come along she could have gone back with me to the other waiting rooms they put you in. The only difference in those waiting rooms is that all the women are in hospital gowns waiting for either their test or test results. Steve said he was okay with going back with me. I told him, "good for you but I don't think the other women would like it!" Of course, he was teasing....So for hours he sat waiting on me.....thus the waiting rooms have become his life like the hospital rooms have become mine. :-)

Once they took me back to do the biopsy, as usual a nurse comes in and preps you for the procedure. As everyone knows, hospitals like to put you in your birthday suit but they do not provide any type of party for this wonderous occasion. The nurse starts the party and then leaves the room with the all time hospital quote, "we'll be right back"......

A half an hour later as I lay freezing and wonder where the Doctor of this party is....I begin to hear voices in the hall and they come closer...."oh yeah I say to myself, they are finally here." I am saddened to hear there are many in this conversation and they are personally chatting and I do not hear an end as I lay listening to this conversation for months (sorry, but you know how it is), the doctor opens the door and continues the conversation and so does everyone else in the hall. I see eyes through the crack of the door. I thought it was going to be a quick short minute but they continue to talk...I think to myself, "do I undo everything the nurse prepped me for as this is uncomfortable knowing those standing in the hall can see me laying here?" I remind myself that they have these kind of parties all the time, it is "I" who hate being in a birthday suit but for them...they do not care. I decide to grin and bear the situation, however wondering how many of them have been in my or other's situation. I know it is work for them but for those of us on the hospital bed anxiously is not fun so please just get it over with! :-)

After the wait, he comes in and I'm so delighted that this doctor is over the entire Breast Center and a Professor of Oncology/Hematology, etc. As he begins talking to me, I can see why others enjoy talking to him. He is an excellent communicator and begins to finally put me at ease. Honestly, I think the waiting put my anxiety at a higher level for this test than the major surgery I just had in July. In July, I was asleep and for this I'm awake.

All I'll say about the procedure is that it is not entirely they forgot to deaden one of the nerves before they put the needle in but compared to everything else....this was a breeze. I have alot of bruising and some discomfort...but I'm going to live from it! :-)

I will say this Doctor was shocked and could not stop talking about my current medical condition as he does my biopsy. It is somewhat alarming that every doctor I go to....always tells me how surprised they are to see someone like me with such low risk factors (no drinking, no smoking, clean life, etc.) to have this type of cancer and at my age! The nurses question me first, then the doctors, then anyone testing me....somehow God's love and protection must show through my explanation because at the end of the story.....the doctor and nurse both tell me that I had inspired them.....the nurse walked me to the other waiting room and told me that I had given her hope over a current situation she was going through. I'm so thankful that other's find the story to be inspiring because sometimes I don't always feel that way. However, everytime I feel that way someone will come along and tell me how much I inspire them through my blog or my outlook etc. It is always a constant reminder to me of how great GOD is!

We will get results this week from that biopsy. The doctor assured me that everything would be fine. I believe that. I will still be happy to have the results in writing because it is the same comment the Colon Surgeon told me when he sent me for a colonscopy. "I'm sure it is not anything but because you are over 35, we'll do it just in case"....and you know the rest of the story.

I started thinking about all the tests I've had since I started this journey. So far I remember 30 tests since July 16th....this includes, MRIs, CT Scans, Biopsies, EKGs, X-Rays, Lab tests, etc. Anytime you have cancer, they always inject radioactive dye or some type of IV because they have to do the testing with contrast so they can tag the cancer.

This only includes each time I go for a test, this doesn't include if they take multiple X-rays, or multiple times they do CT Scans, blood work, etc. This is only 2 1/2 months and I still have more tests to go. I'm really sick of IVs, needles, etc. Oh, I forgot to include the times I've been stuck for the surgeries I've major surgery in July and port cath surgery for chemo. All the hospital visits, waiting times for another test or chemo is sometimes the part that gets me down. Just knowing what is going to happen sometimes starts weighing on my mind.....even though I know without a shadow of doubt in the end it is going to be okay!

In this journey, you still live through pain, discomfort and all the things that the chemo brings your way knowing it is supposed to make things better. Even on my best days, I live with pain. It comes with the territory. I still know God is protecting me and things could be so much worse.

First of all, I have God, secondly family and then I have all of YOU! Thank you Jesus for all the overwhelming support....I can't imagine this journey without it!

I think I have rambled on enough so I'm going to get this posted before I time out.

Love to all,


Donna said...

Thanks, Leah, for the update & the inspiration that you spread to those you come in contact with. You are being a light in a dark, dark world to those that you see, whether at Emory or wherever this journey may take you. We pray for you daily & believe that God is definitely in control. I am thankful for the strength that He gives you from day to day. His grace is sufficient for our every need.

Donna New

Anonymous said...

Love to you and your family. May God continue to grant you strength to travel this journey. You are never alone.