Thursday, January 29, 2009

Well, I'm back....NO Hat and NO Chemo for me! Yeah!

Well, we went very early as we usually do to Emory for my 3 appts. I dread this day so much that I didn't even think about the hat. I get up the last possible minute. All night I did not sleep. I'm always restless. I guess knowing you've just gotten over being so sick and going back to have to do it all over again mentally challenges me. I know I have to do it so I always go in dressed in nice clothes and try to be upbeat as possible. It really does work too! Other people notice and it spreads. My lab nurses all know me and as soon as I go in they all start talking to me even though they are working on other patients. I told them that I was on my last treatments. They were so happy but sad because they say working on sick patients all day sometimes becomes very depressing and it is nice when someone comes in and is happy. I'm not necessarily happy to be there but I'm thankful that God gives me grace and mercy to do the things I'm assigned to do.

As I already stated, I always go to the Lab first for them to take my blood and hook up my lines for chemo and then off to the doctor (well, it isn't quite that fast but that is the order) ha.

As soon as my doctor walked in, she immediately came over and hugged me. I had not been out of the house since my last treatment and because of some of the side effects we had to call Emory a few times (not counting that I was sent to the ER too). She said that my body is so pure that everything has an extreme effect on me. She said that if I were a drinker that I would go through this without as much misery. She said a drinker has already killed their nerve receptors, therefore they do not feel the effects. She said it is almost scary when some of the drinkers come in and say, "bring it on". So I teased and said that Steve and I were immediately going to have a drink. ha. Not in a million years! YUK! It stinks and tastes horrible too! It is not my idea of a way to get through this. The Lord is doing a fine job. :-)

Steve and I stopped at Arby's and I got a salad. I was sick all evening and through the night so I'm not sure if the salad made me sick or I was still having effects from the chemo. It is very hard to decide what is what with chemo.

After they thought my esophagus was having spasms in the ER (which caused unbelievable pain....oh my), they decided to send me to a GI doctor to have a scope put down my throat. So, I have that doctor's appt. on Monday. So far through this journey, I have had my regular doctor (who initially referred me), 2 Colon Surgeons, 5 Resident Doctors, Spine Specialist, Oncology Doctor and now I'm going to see a GI specialist. I just decided through this journey that I wanted to see as many specialists as I could. I didn't want to leave any stone unturned. Ha. Whatever...I'm so over having to go to Medical facilities!!!

Oh, and they told me that as soon as my chemo was finished that they don't usually release the patient for a couple of months. What???? As soon as she said that.....she looked at me and said, "you looked shocked." Well, yes I thought I was going right we are going to work it out and maybe start part-time or something like that but I have to ask my HR, my boss so on and so forth. Just pray I get it all worked out. My doctors are concerned about my body from all the chemo....and I'm thinking....let me out!! ha.

So after all the chatter about my effects, I asked my doctor if the chemo was going to make these things worse and she said, "You aren't going to have chemo today, your counts are too low and if we give chemo to you, we are afraid you might get a bacterial infection". They have told me numerous times if you have low counts and you get a bacterial infection, you have no resistance and there isn't anything they can do. So, although I'm sorta happy that I'm not going right back to get sick, it does put my schedule off another week. She did give me the option of getting an expensive shot but it causes unbelievable pain for at least a week and then I would be right back getting chemo on top of the pain. I would rather wait a week and let my body do what it should naturally.

So all in all, I'm very happy about feeling better. My last treatment was pretty intensive with pain but guess what......I made it through!! I was just talking to my brother and I told him that I know that I've made it this far by faith and all the prayers. I don't say this lightheartedly, as I know I say it everytime but it is because I know that it is holding me up. I need all the prayer I can get and I'm not ashamed to ask for is the one thing I'll ask of others. Anything else, forget it...I would make a horrible salesperson. I do not like asking people for help, things, or otherwise. Although in a career management class a long time ago, they said I have a persuasive personality and I could make alot of money in sales. Go figure.....

Hope you enjoy the poem...Love to all, Leah

I have in my hands two boxes, Which God gave me to hold.
He said, "Put all your sorrows in the black box, And all your joys in the gold."
I heeded His words, and in the two boxes, Both my joys and sorrows I stored,
But though the gold became heavier each day, The black was as light as before.
With curiosity, I opened the black, I wanted to find out why, And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole, Which my sorrows had fallen out by.
I showed the hole to God, and mused, "I wonder where my sorrows could be!"
He smiled a gentle smile and said, "My child, they're all here with me."
I asked God, why He gave me the boxes, Why the gold and the black with the hole?
"My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings,
The black is for you to let go."


Anonymous said...

I hope you enjoy your week off Leah. They say it might snow Monday night - I hope so. You can enjoy it and not have to get out and drive! Stay warm in that recliner with your little bundle of joy snuggled up next to you.


Jennifer said...

What a beautiful poem. Just wanted you to know I am continuing to lift you up in my prayers and I think of you often!
Love you,

Anonymous said...

Enjoy your week off! You continue to be in my prayers. I wanted to tell everyone "thank you" for the prayers for my dad; he came out of surgery and is doing well at this point.

God is DEFINITELY a miracle worker! It is no fun going through trials, but the amazement at His hand moving with you through them is powerful.

Stay strong!!