Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Thanksgiving may not be in my body but it sure is in my HEART!!

Oh my....I've not blogged in so long....so much to say....

This past treatment had my body down physically for about 11 of the 14 days. Now I have treatment again tomorrow. Unbelievable is the best way to describe it!!! Every day in my mind, I say, "today is a good day and I'm going to make the best of it".....even though my body lay on the couch, my mind would drift to so many other places.

I went back to my Surgeon yesterday for a follow-up from my colon resection surgery. He was so sympathetic to how bad my symptons were so he was trying to give me suggestions on what to do. Unfortunately every suggestion he made...we've already tried. He told me of medicine he takes to avoid surgery and he is a Surgeon!!

Although he was unable to give me any real advice to make things better, he told me that I had to go through chemo all the way. He stated my suffering was going to get much worse but because my cancer is so aggressive that it wasn't worth a re-occurence. My case puzzles the doctors because of not having a history or any of the other risk factors so they are genuinely concerned about my condition. Clinically without chemo they think there is a very good chance of re-occurence even though chemo isn't an absolute deterrant either. So, I left there without knowing much more than I already knew but knowing without the Lord, things are about to get unbearable even though I already feel it is unbearable most times.

I try to keep my head up and keep positive when I know the cards are stacked against me. However, I'm not going to lie.....laying day after day does affect me. Everytime the pain gets out of control, I just keep asking my family to pray for me right then. It comforts my soul even when my body is wracked with pain.

I haven't blogged because I don't want to talk about how bad I feel. I want to stay on top of this mentally and some days, I just don't have the energy except to get through the day.

I'm so glad that I have such a wonderful support of all those that read my blog, bring supper, send cards, say words of encouragement and most importantly, just pray, pray, pray. I know words are inadequate to say how much this means....but believe me, it does. My life will never be the same, I know so I accept whatever comes my way but I don't do it without prayer.

Steve keeps telling me it is almost over. I know for others that 12 weeks doesn't seem long but for me, it seems like eternity!

I covet your prayers tomorrow as I go back for chemo treatment #7!! I have chemo treatment on Wednesday, back on Friday to remove my chemo bag and a spinal appt. next Monday. I really want God to intervene so I can go to my daughter's Thanksgiving luncheon at school next Tuesday. I was unable to see our choir win the National People's Choice Award (congratulations to them)!!!

Although I feel a little low, I know in the big scheme of things....God is in control and everything IS going to be okay.....In HIM do I trust!

Thank you again! I was finally able to get out today and do grocery shopping for Thanksgiving. I knew this would be my last chance to get it all together and I plan to enjoy Thanksgiving, whether on my couch or with my family. Whatever God allows me to do, thanksgiving will be in my heart!
Love to all,

1 comment:

Donna said...

We are thankful for every ounce of strength & grace that God is giving you through the treatments you are going through. We lift your name in prayer as you take one day at a time. We are thankful the inspiration that you are to us as we read each blog.

Our thoughts and prayers will be with you tomorrow and the days after.

Donna & Ray New