Man, oh Man am I tired?

I'm so sorry that it has been so long since I've written. I've been so tired since returning to work June 1st. The first few days, I wondered if I was going to make it. By the time I got to work, I was exhausted just from the driving. I could hardly keep my eyes open. As the days have progressed, I'm not as sleepy in the morning but as the day wears on....oh, I just feel exhausted!

I told Steve last night that I do not feel normal. Although I'm doing all the normal things I used to do, I don't feel normal. It has changed me to the very core of my being. I can't explain it because I've already tried. I think it is the way we should always feel. Being on the constant wheel of change and stress doesn't really get you anywhere. We are conditioned to run a marathon everyday with what we have to do, see, etc. but that conditioning is not me anymore. I hate to use the words, "I don't care" but "I don't care" about the things that do not count.

Someone that will remain nameless was diagnosed with breast cancer two months before my diagnosis. We know each other through our husbands. I've kept up with her through my husband. She had been doing really well until recently. She went into work and spent the day at a going away party. They thought she had overdone it when she starting getting viral symptons. As it continued, they spoke with the doctor and he said it wasn't viral but it was the cancer. They had been so optimistic because they were told the chemo was really helping to clear the spots that had moved to her lungs. They just put her into the hospital Sunday night because she can hardely breathe.

I was so upset that I couldn't stop crying. Steve kept asking me what was wrong and I really couldn't explain why I was crying. The only way I know how to explain it is that I was relating to what she was going through in her mind. You wonder if this nightmare is ever going to go away. Please pray for this family. They really really need a miracle. I know God is able to do anything we ask, we just have to ask him and believe.

I was so happy to hear that my boss' father had colon surgery and is doing well. No chemo or radiation required. He had colon cancer when he was younger but they stopped testing him so frequently. When they did finally test him, it was back. Thank the Lord that it was caught in time before it spread!!

Every day I wonder what am I doing on this earth and why am I here? Is this what I'm supposed to be doing?? I'm so thankful for my job especially the fact that they waited almost a year for me to return. I've been able to jump right in and figure out what is going on alot quicker than I thought that I might. However, no matter where you work or live, is there more to life than this? It is a very strange feeling.

You realize how fragile life really is but yet we take so much for granted. I'm so thankful for all my family and friends alike. So many have done so much....I wonder if I've ever been a friend like that to anyone? If I haven't, then I sure need to be because that is when it really counts.

Well, I'm really tired. I have business travel in the morning, will get back to the airport around 10 pm. tomorrow night and then down to Emory for my testing first thing Wednesday.

Sorry I'm rambling, I think I'm just tired....
Have a good night,
Love to all,
Leah