The day started off with Steve and the kids getting their Easter baskets. No one is too old around our house to receive from the Easter bunny.
As for me, I woke up not feeling well at all. In fact, had it not been for Easter, I may have stayed home only because I could tell it was one of those painful days. I wanted the day to be so perfect so I pushed myself to go on anyway.
We had 755 in our service this morning and our church I believe holds around 600 comfortably. With so many people, the air conditioning was cranking and I thought I was going to freeze. In fact, I get so cold that I can hardly focus. Steve gives me his suit jacket and I'm still freezing. Everyone else seems to think it is a little cool but comfortable. For whatever reason, getting that cold with my neuropathy starts making my body ache.
The family gets together after the service and with so many people there, the air conditioning and fans are going and I begin to hurt worse. I finally sit in a recliner and get a blanket and try to stay quiet so I don't ruin anyone else's day. The colder I get, the worse I hurt. My grandma (who has just been told that she is now cancer-free) sees me and gives me another blanket and 1300 mgs. of Tylenol and it doesn't even touch my pain.
When the family gets together, we always celebrate birthdays and anniversaries of those in the family since the last gathering. It just so happens, today is my sister's birthday. We have her party and I feel the pain getting out of control. I try to manage it and before I make it into the next room, it has gone from bad to worse and I feel the tears coming on! I hate when that happens. Steve starts gathering our things and all I want to do is bolt for the door, as everyone begins to look at me to figure out what is wrong. My brother walks me to the car but I notice my mom crying. I can't stand when she cries so I force myself to stop. I ask her why she is crying and of course she says, "I always cry when someone else does" but I know it is because she is upset because of me.
My sister, sister-in-law and mom follow me to the car and begin talking. This gives me time to maintain composure but all I want to do is get in the car and get home to bed. Once I get in the car, Angela asks me what's wrong and I tell her nothing and that I'm fine. I feel the tears again. Steve gets a call from work and is occupied with the call so it gives me time to cry and not feel so guilty. I come home, go to the couch and finally fall asleep. I'm not sure how long I sleep but when I finally wake, I feel better.
Steve, who is always thoughtful, brings me something to eat for supper. However, it doesn't take very long and I start to feel bad again. I stay on the couch all evening.
I finally relent and take another narcotic because I know this night is going to be restless if I don't.....this process is so hard to explain. I started blogging to allow the medicine to kick in before I try to go to bed.
As I'm writing, I'm again reflecting on how thankful that I am to have the Lord's comfort. I know without a doubt that HE is what gets me through. There is no way to explain the peace you feel in the midst of the struggle. I'm so thankful for my family who is there with me when I go through these things. I can see the struggle in their eyes trying to make me feel better and it makes me feel so guilty. I try so hard to manage and cover up the pain but when it comes like this...there is no stopping it. However, I know that with God all things are possible and though my journey has led me down this path, I'm looking forward to many more beautiful sunsets ahead of me. "=)
I always receive some of the most awesome e-mails and love to share them. This is another thought provoking e-mail that I thought you would enjoy.
God Said No
- I asked God to take away my habit. God said, No. It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.
- I asked God to make my handicapped child whole. God said, No. His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary.
- I asked God to grant me patience. God said, No.Patience is a byproduct of tribulations;It isn't granted, it is learned.
- I asked God to give me happiness. God said, No.I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.
- I asked God to spare me pain. God said, No.Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares And brings you closer to me.
- I asked God to make my spirit grow. God said, No.You must grow on your own! , But I will prune you to make you fruitful.
- I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life. God said, No. I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.
- I asked God to help me LOVE others, as He loves me. God said..Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.
As we know, God can do anything so although these words might say that God says, "no"....we know that HE has the ability to move mountains and make anything happen. However, he acts on our faith and many times HE is blamed for the things we want in our life when HE has already given us the tools/resources we need to make it happen. We just have to take the next step and make it happen!!
- "To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world"
"May the Lord Bless you and keep you and give you Peace.....Forever"
Good friends are like stars...You don't always see them, But you know they are always there.
I hope to spend many more wonderful days filled with God's blessings and joys! May you have a wonderful day!
Love to all,