Rainy, Sunny, Rainy

Another post I found today from September, 2009. Hope you enjoy it, although it wasn't finished.

Today has been a metaphor for how our lives seem at times. It started off dreary, dark and rainy and it wasn't long that the sun was out shining so brightly! The change within a couple of hours made me peer through the window, just to make sure that by my opening a blind wasn't the real cause for the sunshine. Lo and behold, it was absolutely beautiful and sunny. I would have thought by the start of the day that it would be a dark and dreary day. The sunshine gave me energy. It was beautiful and sunny for most of the day....and then hours later, it started to rain again...all you can see are clouds and it has started to chill. It isn't as thrilling as the warm sunshine but it is occupying the space of hours that will end the day.


I must say it is normal to see the weather change throughout the day but not like today. It made me think of circumstances in our lives and how it can change, hour by hour. At times, the unexpected sunshine peeks through when we aren't always expecting it, giving us the push to make it the rest of the way!

I'm baaaacccccckkkkkk!!!

Wow, it has been so long since I've blogged...it wasn't purposeful, just necessary! I have missed everyone so much.

My life has been a revolving door of "good news, bad news" but I choose to go with the good news and leave the rest behind.

Since I've last been on here, I've been to Houston, Texas to get a second diagnosis. The news from that was a miracle! I have thanked God so many times for such wonderful results. I came back home, they required that I go through all the same testing AGAIN. The results came back inconsistent with the prior results. I've decided that the up, down, back and forth keeps me in neutral so I am going forward. My fuel is my faith and God is my protector...so what am I sitting still for...too much to do, so little time!!! :-)

So many will say, "you don't look sick" or "you haven't ever looked sick" and for that, I'm grateful...unfortunately it wasn't that way and hasn't been that easy...not that I've wanted any type of pity but sometimes it makes me feel as if people think that I'm faking. I wish it were that way, I know I have pushed myself way beyond what I knew I was capable of doing...and for that, I'm guilty.

Chemotherapy causes chronic sleep problems. I thought it was just me until I just read an recent cancer newsletter that said that 75% of Chemo patients end up with sleep problems. It is because of the steriods they give you before and after chemo. It is also the reason you never look like you lose any weight and it is also the reason after chemo, you can't lose weight. It takes awhile for it to work out of your system.

Well, I had already started having problems with sleep prior to chemo so the drugs only intensified the issue. I have now gotten something to help me rest and I can't tell you what a difference in being able to sleep has done physically for my body. Oh my, it has given my body renewed energy. Wahoo...it has been wonderful! I am feeling stronger every day.

I asked my Oncologist why I have sweet cravings. I have never had them before and since chemo, I feel like I could turn the kitchen upside down looking for something sweet. The doctor said it happens in about 25% of chemo patients and they aren't sure why. While I was sick, I could care less about food, especially sweets. Now I will get up in the night without even realizing it and I'll wake up in the kitchen. It is kind of scary but my doctor said again, it is the medicine that I'm on for sleep and the chemo affects the sweet cravings! It is sorta funny but I'm switching medicine so at least I know that I'm on a sweet hunt! ha. I don't have that during the day, I guess because I take the meds at night.

Other than all the obvious things, I am so grateful for another year! No matter what I've gone through and will continue going through, I'm so blessed! Today, I was talking with one of the doctors and they said, "you are just too young to have gone through this much mess".....and then they told me that I was above average mentally for how I've handled what has been dealt, I just say, "thank you Lord"....I couldn't have made it without HIM! I'm so thankful that along the way, that I have had wonderful family, friends, co-workers, etc. who have continuously supported us through prayer, e-mails, letters, cards, food or whatever contribution you might have made.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

Much love,

Leah