Today I feel about 50% myself. I still have pain and other side effects but I don't feel as out of it as I did yesterday. When I feel really bad, I lose my motivation to blog...so please forgive me. I love to read comments and encouragement on here so I know that I must do my part...sometimes my body and mind are in 2 different places. I know those who read care and understand so I will not labor this point.
However, the point I would love to labor is for everyone to keep doctor's appts., yearly exams, etc. I know in the past when I read something like that....the thoughts that go through everyone's mind..."yeah, it happened to them so that is why they are crusading but it isn't going to happen to me" and on we go with our life.
Well...I for one should be an example of thinking it won't happen to me. I didn't have any of the high risk factors for colon cancer (including family history). In fact, I've never had a problem in my life with my colon, any other organ for that matter and nothing ever that serious. I would treat doctor's appts. as less important as meetings or day to day activities.
If I set an appt. and an "important" meeting came up at work, I would just call and reschedule. Please understand that I have excellent management at work who did not ever make me feel as if I needed to change anything...I did it myself! I wish I had that luxury now but guess what...you do!! Make Appointments and keep them!!
When I went in for my colonscopy, just to make sure the side effects I was having from medicine I was taking for restless legs wasn't anything serious....they almost rescheduled me because they weren't sure I was prepped enough for the exam. Thank the Lord the Surgeon went on and did the exam, as I would have talked myself out of the exam and would not have gone back any time soon. I would most likely have met my Maker or have been very close.
As most know, the tumor was so large that they had to work to push the small scope through the tumor to do my exam and said they weren't sure if they were going to get it through. The Surgeon told me it was only a matter of approx. 3 months and it would have been completely blocked and that most certainly that would be the end of my journey! This is why they call cancer, a silent killer. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure! :-)
I was going through life, attending all the "important" meetings and day to day activities while anything but normal was happening within my body. There is no need to fear cancer or anything else....it is more important to know that you don't have anything than to fear that you do. Just check to make sure you don't. Pretty Simple!
My oldest brother, Jonathan, just had his colonscopy and he is totally fine! Praise the Lord! Every person in my family who has an exam and is clear, is a victory. My Surgeon and Oncologist said all my siblings, including my children needed to get an exam (this is one area where my children are blessed to be adopted and not have to worry as much about this particular disease). :-) This is the only point of having exams....just to make sure everything is fine and if not, catch anything while you can early. It was always a mind battle with me....it will never be again.
My cancer is very aggressive and my Surgeon thinks it grew in 6-8 months but the events surrounding how it was found and why to me are God's protection on my life. It was always shrugged off as lasting effects from food poisoning I had several years before. My Surgeon wasn't at all concerned, even said he wouldn't normally do an exam but since I was now 39...he would go ahead.....at this point, I would have pushed for more testing because my intuition had me alarmed for the 1st time in my life about myself....so there you go...medicine does not know everything but YOU must do YOUR PART to make sure you are available for all the "important" meetings in your life.
Every day I live this journey I think about all the things I wished I had done differently or would have made more time for....Honestly, I don't really have regrets but the one thing I would regret is if I were remiss in being one other person to say...."Don't forget about your Exams, Don't fear and Always Keep God Near"....No amount of love, education, money will cure you. It affects, old, young, rich, poor, educated, uneducated...it is not biased toward anyone. Believe me, it is a very tough journey but I'm so glad to be walking it with God, Family and YOU!
As always, love to all! :-) Each one of you are making my journey worthwhile...and believe me, everyday I'm looking for something positive in this walk.
Leah P.S. I'm putting up more pictures at the bottom should you want to peek!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
Praying for brighter days...
Just a quick update on Leah. She did not have as many good days going into this last treatment and the past few days have not been easy. Nausea and more nausea, weak and hurting. Imagine having a really bad flu that you can't get over and it only continues to get worse and you are trying to find some kind of relief. One minute you start feeling better and the next minute you are not feeling so well. It is all part of the process.
The Doctor is adjusting her medicine to see what might be the best medication and dosage for her. Sometimes it takes time for the body to adjust and to see what might be the best formula as every medication has side effects and works differently for everyone. It is trial and error.
She is now able to rest more than she had been which helps. It is also a blessing that her cell count was only down 1 pt. this last time and as of now won't have to have any shots and we are praying she won't have to in the future.
We thank God for everything he has done and for everything that he is going to do for her. In everything give thanks. Please continue to keep her in your prayers and pray for God to give her strength, comfort and brighter days. He is our healer.
Psalm 121:1-2. I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.
Again, thanks to everyone for everything you have done and continue to do for her and the family. It is appreciated very much.
God bless you!
Lisa
The Doctor is adjusting her medicine to see what might be the best medication and dosage for her. Sometimes it takes time for the body to adjust and to see what might be the best formula as every medication has side effects and works differently for everyone. It is trial and error.
She is now able to rest more than she had been which helps. It is also a blessing that her cell count was only down 1 pt. this last time and as of now won't have to have any shots and we are praying she won't have to in the future.
We thank God for everything he has done and for everything that he is going to do for her. In everything give thanks. Please continue to keep her in your prayers and pray for God to give her strength, comfort and brighter days. He is our healer.
Psalm 121:1-2. I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.
Again, thanks to everyone for everything you have done and continue to do for her and the family. It is appreciated very much.
God bless you!
Lisa
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Well, I'm officially 25% of the way completed!
Yeah! Although I've gotten my infusion pump removed and I have the next 2 weeks to go through any side effects, technically I completed my 3rd treatment!
I've tried to meet someone each time I go to Emory. This helps me understand my own journey, pray for others on their journey and realize that no matter how bad I may have it, someone else is doing worse.
I have found that the older people are doing much better on chemo than I am. I guess it was right when they said that chemo side effects are worse on younger people than older. I met a lady who was carrying the same pump and she said she was Stage 4-most advanced and has been doing chemo for 1 1/2 yrs. I couldn't believe it! She said she takes all the pills but has gotten so used to it that it doesn't bother her. Another classic example of someone older than 50 that says the side effects were manageable without pain. Just the opposite of what I've experienced. So happy for them, very frustrating for me!
My nurse said less than 5% of the people have nausea. Here we go again....I fall into the 5% category. I get very nauseated and the hiccups from the nausea medicine. I hiccuped all night long even in my sleep. We did everything to help me get rid of the hiccups but it didn't last long. The nurse said is is from the anti-nausea drugs. Well....I have to have them so I guess I will hiccup until my body gets over it!! ha.
Interestingly enough, my dog has been sick the whole time I've been sick. We have to keep giving him anti-nausea medicine too! Funny thing is the vet gave him the same medicine as me. I can't understand why he has been sick....other than the smell of the chemo or just sympathy pains for me. I feel so bad when he looks at me with his sad eyes. I try to keep him away but the more sick I am, the more he wants to lay on me to comfort me. Crazy Animal!
I'm praying for a much better time this time. I believe wholeheartedly with all the prayer that has gone up that this is going to be a better time!
I didn't want to lose weight as a result of chemo but I didn't want to gain weight either. Yesterday when they weighed me, I had gained weight. They told me it was from the steriods. Oh joy! Or maybe it is all the great cooking everyone has been bringing over! :-) My cell counts were really good, in fact they had only dropped 1 point from the treatment before, which was unbelievable! The time before they really dropped alot but my cell counts have been holding steady. I just pray they stay this way because I won't have to have additional shots to create cell counts that will sustain chemo and it won't delay treatments. I want to slide on through, finish this stuff and get back on the road to normal! Whatever normal is.......:-)
Have a good weekend! Love to all,
Leah
I've tried to meet someone each time I go to Emory. This helps me understand my own journey, pray for others on their journey and realize that no matter how bad I may have it, someone else is doing worse.
I have found that the older people are doing much better on chemo than I am. I guess it was right when they said that chemo side effects are worse on younger people than older. I met a lady who was carrying the same pump and she said she was Stage 4-most advanced and has been doing chemo for 1 1/2 yrs. I couldn't believe it! She said she takes all the pills but has gotten so used to it that it doesn't bother her. Another classic example of someone older than 50 that says the side effects were manageable without pain. Just the opposite of what I've experienced. So happy for them, very frustrating for me!
My nurse said less than 5% of the people have nausea. Here we go again....I fall into the 5% category. I get very nauseated and the hiccups from the nausea medicine. I hiccuped all night long even in my sleep. We did everything to help me get rid of the hiccups but it didn't last long. The nurse said is is from the anti-nausea drugs. Well....I have to have them so I guess I will hiccup until my body gets over it!! ha.
Interestingly enough, my dog has been sick the whole time I've been sick. We have to keep giving him anti-nausea medicine too! Funny thing is the vet gave him the same medicine as me. I can't understand why he has been sick....other than the smell of the chemo or just sympathy pains for me. I feel so bad when he looks at me with his sad eyes. I try to keep him away but the more sick I am, the more he wants to lay on me to comfort me. Crazy Animal!
I'm praying for a much better time this time. I believe wholeheartedly with all the prayer that has gone up that this is going to be a better time!
I didn't want to lose weight as a result of chemo but I didn't want to gain weight either. Yesterday when they weighed me, I had gained weight. They told me it was from the steriods. Oh joy! Or maybe it is all the great cooking everyone has been bringing over! :-) My cell counts were really good, in fact they had only dropped 1 point from the treatment before, which was unbelievable! The time before they really dropped alot but my cell counts have been holding steady. I just pray they stay this way because I won't have to have additional shots to create cell counts that will sustain chemo and it won't delay treatments. I want to slide on through, finish this stuff and get back on the road to normal! Whatever normal is.......:-)
Have a good weekend! Love to all,
Leah
Friday, September 26, 2008
THE MESSAGE!!
Good morning! I had to share an e-mail that I came across this morning that Leah sent to me
on 7/9/2002.
Leah has always been quick to give words of encouragement to her family and friends. She has a unique way of making you look at the situation in a different light. By the time she is finished with her “preaching" you go away with a different attitude, and feeling so much better.
Through her father's illness, Leah was one of my biggest cheerleader always giving me words of encouragement.
So today Leah I am sending you a REPLY..
Life is an echo. What you send out--- You get back. What you give -- you get.
It’s about the Message! Yes the message!! Same Message ..... Just a different day.
Jesus Christ is the same, Yesterday, Today and Forever. He is still the “I AM” He is still in the healing business.
This is the message that you sent me in 2002.
I was regretting the past and fearing the future.
Suddenly my Lord was speaking: "My name is I AM"
He paused. I waited. He continued, ......................
"When you live in the past with its mistakes and regrets it is hard.
I am not there. “My name is not I WAS.”
When you live in the future, with its problems and fears, it is hard.
I am not there. “ My name is not I WILL BE.”
When you live in this moment it is not hard.
Good morning! I had to share an e-mail that I came across this morning that Leah sent to me
on 7/9/2002.
Leah has always been quick to give words of encouragement to her family and friends. She has a unique way of making you look at the situation in a different light. By the time she is finished with her “preaching" you go away with a different attitude, and feeling so much better.
Through her father's illness, Leah was one of my biggest cheerleader always giving me words of encouragement.
So today Leah I am sending you a REPLY..
Life is an echo. What you send out--- You get back. What you give -- you get.
It’s about the Message! Yes the message!! Same Message ..... Just a different day.
Jesus Christ is the same, Yesterday, Today and Forever. He is still the “I AM” He is still in the healing business.
This is the message that you sent me in 2002.
I was regretting the past and fearing the future.
Suddenly my Lord was speaking: "My name is I AM"
He paused. I waited. He continued, ......................
"When you live in the past with its mistakes and regrets it is hard.
I am not there. “My name is not I WAS.”
When you live in the future, with its problems and fears, it is hard.
I am not there. “ My name is not I WILL BE.”
When you live in this moment it is not hard.
I am here. "My name is I AM."
Mom,
When you need Him just pray, because he is ALWAYS there. This is something I am learning to do and no it’s not always easy to step back, take that deep Breath and ask for help. It’s impossible to regain control when you were never in control to begin with. God is in Control and I have come to understand He does not need me to help Him with day to day business. All God asks is that you let him handle the problems.
Love you ,
Leah
Leah
Stop telling God how big your storm is and start telling the storm how big your God is
So as you can see the years have gone by, but the message you sent me in 2002 is still the same message today.
So as you can see the years have gone by, but the message you sent me in 2002 is still the same message today.
Leah comes from a place of faith, a place of family and a place of principle ...and that throughout her journey with cancer she has been fueled by the blessings of this rich foundation.
When you realize that people of all faiths are praying for you it is truly a humbling and powerful experience. Also humbling -and inspiring are the many e-mails, cards, gifts,and food that Leah's family and friends have offered. Receiving cards is one of the highlights of her day. She is blessed by them all. With a heart full of gratitude I say " THANK YOU"
Despite the tremendous support the days and now months are full of challenges.
Leah has always been very engaged in everything she does. She went from making major decisions in a corporate world to making decisions on when she should take her medicine.
The impact of the treatments is "losing self" just not being present. This really hurts.
Physically the aches and pain she is experiencing took her by surprise.
I know good things will come from this. When the sun finally shines again in Leah's life she will take this experience and use it for good. Giving back and helping others is something that comes very naturally for Leah. I can see her now becoming a " cancer warrior"
Pease keep her in your prayers. Every day becomes a little more difficult to handle.
All my love,
Mother
Thursday, September 25, 2008
After tomorrow, I will be 25% of the way done with chemo!!
Yesterday was another very long day at Emory...we left home at 7am ish and didn't leave Emory until 4:30 p.m.
We asked about all the pain that I was in Friday, Saturday and Sunday and they did a thorough check-up and couldn't determine anything. They said it was symptons of pleurisy but didn't hear any fluid around my lungs or heart so at this time, they aren't sure. I'm having the 2 MRIs on my spine next Friday. They hope this will help determine the pain in my lower back after surgery and the this new pain that keeps creeping up.
They lowered my dosage of steriods so I could sleep. I went for days without rest and during the day, I couldn't sit down because I was so keyed up. My steriods are a form of speed and for those who know me...caffeine is about the hardest stuff I've put into my body. ha. My body is not quite sure what I'm doing to it but I guess it is pay back....ha. Somehow we are one and the same so this war needs to cease immediately! ha.
The change in the medicine has seemed to help as I was able to sleep last night but have felt more sleepy today so I've been resting. I really don't look forward to the days I have to sit in my granny grump chair and sleep all day but if it makes me better....well okay...they do say....sleep is good for beauty...so just maybe this was the purpose! ha. Gotta find humor in this madness...
The cancer survivor that called me last night to help me through the process was somewhat helpful except she said she didn't have most of the symptons I've had and the ones I do wasn't until the 5th month of her chemo and she wanted to quit. Her family made her keep going. I guess this is why they say chemo is much worse on a younger person vs. an older person. I'm not quite sure I felt better. :-( After all, only a month into this.....
Today has been a much brighter day. A little light-headed, cold sensitivity to anything cold...can't reach into the refrigerator and pick anything up, can't drink anything cold (feels like I'm drinking shattered glass)....everything has to be room temperature and then at times that isn't enough and even my drinks I'm been putting into the microwave, my jaws feel at times they are trying to lock up and I've started feeling some tingling in my fingers/toes but it has still been a great day. Just pain in my back and the other things I've mentioned....God is good!
I still cherish all the communication, although I can tell my strength at times is wavering so please bear with me...I can't always respond right away. For those who have sent phone numbers, e-mail addresses, etc.....more than likely I will not initate. However, should you wish to call, e-mail me, etc. please do. There is too much going on for me to keep up and many days this is all I get done....or attempt to get done. However, as I always say, I covet your prayers, thoughts, and care!
I'm so happy to have almost completed 25% of my treatments! I'm so happy to have another good day...not exceptional but still a great day.
Love to all,
Leah
We asked about all the pain that I was in Friday, Saturday and Sunday and they did a thorough check-up and couldn't determine anything. They said it was symptons of pleurisy but didn't hear any fluid around my lungs or heart so at this time, they aren't sure. I'm having the 2 MRIs on my spine next Friday. They hope this will help determine the pain in my lower back after surgery and the this new pain that keeps creeping up.
They lowered my dosage of steriods so I could sleep. I went for days without rest and during the day, I couldn't sit down because I was so keyed up. My steriods are a form of speed and for those who know me...caffeine is about the hardest stuff I've put into my body. ha. My body is not quite sure what I'm doing to it but I guess it is pay back....ha. Somehow we are one and the same so this war needs to cease immediately! ha.
The change in the medicine has seemed to help as I was able to sleep last night but have felt more sleepy today so I've been resting. I really don't look forward to the days I have to sit in my granny grump chair and sleep all day but if it makes me better....well okay...they do say....sleep is good for beauty...so just maybe this was the purpose! ha. Gotta find humor in this madness...
The cancer survivor that called me last night to help me through the process was somewhat helpful except she said she didn't have most of the symptons I've had and the ones I do wasn't until the 5th month of her chemo and she wanted to quit. Her family made her keep going. I guess this is why they say chemo is much worse on a younger person vs. an older person. I'm not quite sure I felt better. :-( After all, only a month into this.....
Today has been a much brighter day. A little light-headed, cold sensitivity to anything cold...can't reach into the refrigerator and pick anything up, can't drink anything cold (feels like I'm drinking shattered glass)....everything has to be room temperature and then at times that isn't enough and even my drinks I'm been putting into the microwave, my jaws feel at times they are trying to lock up and I've started feeling some tingling in my fingers/toes but it has still been a great day. Just pain in my back and the other things I've mentioned....God is good!
I still cherish all the communication, although I can tell my strength at times is wavering so please bear with me...I can't always respond right away. For those who have sent phone numbers, e-mail addresses, etc.....more than likely I will not initate. However, should you wish to call, e-mail me, etc. please do. There is too much going on for me to keep up and many days this is all I get done....or attempt to get done. However, as I always say, I covet your prayers, thoughts, and care!
I'm so happy to have almost completed 25% of my treatments! I'm so happy to have another good day...not exceptional but still a great day.
Love to all,
Leah
THE MESSAGE!!
Good morning! I had to share an e-mail that I came across this morning that Leah sent to me
on 7/9/2002.
Leah has always been quick to give words of encouragement to her family and friends. She has a unique way of making you look at the situation in a different light. By the time she is finished with her “preaching" you go away with a different attitude, and feeling so much better.
Through her father's illness, Leah was one of my biggest cheerleader always giving me words of encouragement. Today I came across an email that Leah had sent me in 2002...So today Leah I am sending you a REPLY..
Life is an echo. What you send out--- You get back. What you give -- you get.
Good morning! I had to share an e-mail that I came across this morning that Leah sent to me
on 7/9/2002.
Leah has always been quick to give words of encouragement to her family and friends. She has a unique way of making you look at the situation in a different light. By the time she is finished with her “preaching" you go away with a different attitude, and feeling so much better.
Through her father's illness, Leah was one of my biggest cheerleader always giving me words of encouragement. Today I came across an email that Leah had sent me in 2002...So today Leah I am sending you a REPLY..
Life is an echo. What you send out--- You get back. What you give -- you get.
It’s about the Message! Yes the message!! Same Message ..... Just a different day.
Jesus Christ is the same, Yesterday, Today and Forever. He is still the “I AM”
This is the message that you sent me in 2002.
I was regretting the past and fearing the future.
Suddenly my Lord was speaking: "My name is I AM"
He paused. I waited. He continued,
"When you live in the past with its mistakes and regrets it is hard.
I am not there. "My name is not I WAS."
When you live in the future, with its problems and fears, it is hard.
I am not there. My name is not I WILL BE.
When you live in this moment it is not hard. I am here. My name is I AM."
Mom,
When you need him just pray, because he is ALWAYS there. This is something Iam learning to do and no it’s not always easy to step back, take that deepBreath and ask for help. It’s impossible to regain control when you werenever in control to begin with. God is in Control and I have come tounderstand He does not need me to help Him with day to day business. AllGod asks is that you let him handle the problems.Love you , Leah Stop telling God how big your storm is and start telling the storm how bigyour God is!
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